Nashville

Everything you need to know about America and more YES Release date: June 11, 1975Director: Robert AltmanLanguage: English Who should watch this movie: People who “don’t like country music,” but love Dolly Parton and secretly listen to Golden Hour in the car. Anthropologists researching American iconography.  When should you watch this movie: During awards season.Continue reading “Nashville”

Surf’s Up

Stop trying to monetize your hobbies YES Release date: June 8, 2007Director: Ash Brannon, Chris BuckLanguage: English Who should watch this movie: Fans of 7 Days in Hell. Fans of Waterlogged (1962). When should you watch this movie: When summer feels really far away. When you desperately need a boost of serotonin. The sell: AnimatedContinue reading “Surf’s Up”

The Dead Don’t Die

Get ready to jump on the Adam Driver stan-wagon YES Release date: June 14, 2019Director: Jim JarmuschLanguage: English Who should watch this movie: Screenwriters. Pessimists. When should you watch this movie: Halloween. When you’re overcome with a sense of impending doom. The sell: At this stage, it’s hard to make an original zombie movie. It’sContinue reading “The Dead Don’t Die”

Wonder Woman 1984

Just when you thought it couldn’t get any worse… NO Release date: December 25, 2020Directory: Patty JenkinsLanguage: English Who should watch this movie: People who “just can’t wrap their heads around all these new pronouns.” People who did too much coke in the 80s to remember what it was actually like.  When should you watchContinue reading “Wonder Woman 1984”

Bridget Jones’s Diary

This is about to be a long feminist rant about Bridget Jones’s Diary, so if that’s not your jam, go read a different review NO Release date: April 13, 2001Director: Sharon Maguire Language: English Who should watch this movie: People who actually enjoy Katherine Heigl’s filmography. Folks who do a yearly re-watch of the BBCContinue reading “Bridget Jones’s Diary”

Your Name Engraved Herein / 刻在你心底的名字

This one hurt 😦 YES Release date: December 23, 2020Director: Patrick Kuang-Hui LiuLanguage: Mandarin Who should watch this movie: Senior gays. Folks who went to a military school, or boarding school.  When should you watch this movie: When you have a strange dream about your first love.  The sell: Nothing is more beautiful than youngContinue reading “Your Name Engraved Herein / 刻在你心底的名字”

The Great Wall

What the hell happened here NO Release date: December 6, 2016Director: Zhang Yimou Language: English, Mandarin Who should watch this movie: People who watch bad movies for fun. When should you watch this movie: When you need some background noise in your empty apartment. After watching Velocipastor and before watching Trolls 2.  The sell: YouContinue reading “The Great Wall”

Space Sweepers

All Korean people are hot. Idk why, it’s just true. YES Release date: February 5, 2021Director: Jo Sung-heeLanguage: Korean Who should watch this movie: Sci-fi fans who are lukewarm about Fifth Element. Folks who haven’t recovered from Star Wars: Episode VIII When should you watch this movie: When you want to watch something fun, butContinue reading “Space Sweepers”

Enola Holmes

Is disliking Millie Bobby Brown a legit opinion or is it just internalized misogyny? No seriously, I want to know. MAYBE Release date: September 23, 2020Director: Harry BradbeerLanguage: English Who should watch this movie: People who never had a BBC Sherlock phase. Folks who bought a “pussyhat” on etsy. When should you watch this movie:Continue reading “Enola Holmes”

Romeo+Juliet

I just dyed my hair magenta. Baz, it’s time to cast me in your next movie as the queer-coded sidekick YES Release date: November 1, 1996Director: Baz LuhrmannLanguage: English Who should watch this movie: Horny bisexuals. When should you watch this movie: On a rowdy Friday night before going out with your friends.  The sell:Continue reading “Romeo+Juliet”