Now for the good stuff
“Badass” is an under-scrutinized axis of serious film critique YES Release date: July 12, 2013Director: Guillermo Del ToroLanguage: English Who should watch this movie: People who love giant robots and hate Michael Bay. When should you watch this movie: When you’re avoiding texts from your friends for no good reason. While also watching the olympics.Continue reading “Pacific Rim”
This is actually a cautionary tale about being friends with a man. YES Release date: August 19, 2011Director: Lone Scherfig Language: English Who should watch this movie: People who still think about their crush from the 6th grade. Folks who have a hard time letting go. When should you watch this movie: When it occursContinue reading “One Day”
Disclaimer: This review has nothing to do with my personal vendetta against Zack Snyder for his crimes against the film industry NO Release date: May 14, 2021Director: Zack SnyderLanguage: English Who should watch this movie: Folks who liked Oceans 12 the most out of the Oceans trilogy. People who’s favorite movie is 300. When shouldContinue reading “Army of the Dead”
There is no such thing as an ethical billionaire YES Release date: August 21, 2019Director: Matt Bettinelli-Olpin, Tyler GillettLanguage: English Who should watch this movie: Girlbosses. Anyone who’s been on a date with a finance guy. When should you watch this movie: After going on a date with a finance guy. Before attending a weddingContinue reading “Ready or Not”
A most pleasant surprise YES Release date: February 7, 2014Director: Phil Lord, Christopher MillerLanguage: English Who should watch this movie: Folks having a hard time. Parents. When should you watch this movie: When you need a distraction from the horror show of reality. While you’re babysitting and the kids suggest watching something terrible and/or boringContinue reading “The Lego Movie”
Not fun. Not sexy. NO Release date: July 16, 1999Director: Stanley Kubrick Language: English Who should watch this movie: Cynics with very specific kinks. Fans of 90s Nicole Kidman. When should you watch this movie: Stone cold sober on a Tuesday (go for a run after). The sell: I can’t find it right now butContinue reading “Eyes Wide Shut”
Daddy issues in space YES Release date: November 27, 2002Director: Ron Clements, John MuskerLanguage: English Who should watch this movie: 90s kids. People who grew up playing the Tony Hawk video games. When should you watch this movie: When you feel the call for adventure. When the DNC refuses to cancel student loans again. TheContinue reading “Treasure Planet”
Someday I’ll write a full essay on the difference between “Kitsch” and “Schlock” and this movie will serve as Exhibit A YES Release date: September 13, 2008Director: Yōjirō TakitaLanguage: Japanese Who should watch this movie: Expats living in Japan. Classical musicians. Folks who have recently lost a loved one. Folks who have ever lost aContinue reading “Departures / おくりびと”
Catch me getting my hot take in BEFORE the Oscars so people won’t call me an edgelord after this movie sweeps every category. MAYBE Release date: November 13, 2020Director: David FincherLanguage: English Who should watch this movie: People who love movies (like, Love love). Folks with an interest in Hollywood lore. Political scientists. When shouldContinue reading “Mank”
I’m about to lose all credibility MAYBE Release date: October 5, 1998Director: David MalletLanguage: English Who should watch this movie: The Broadway obsessed. 90s kids. Folks who’ve read the T.S. Elliot poems. When should you watch this movie: When you enroll in a free trial for a dance class. When you’ve just seen the TomContinue reading “Cats (1998)”
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